12 Things to Talk About on Facebook That are not the Starbucks Cup

Lots of times I come across things that are so brilliant, I’m like, “Why isn’t everyone talking about this all the time???” Then I check my Facebook, positive that everyone else must be thinking of their own amazing things to share. And then I’m sad.

I don’t think that we’re all only interested in Starbucks cups or memes about what a real man is or the “Top 6 Things You Need to Tell Your Daughter or Else She’ll Fail at Life”. But I think maybe we’re busy and there are so many things to talk about that we choose not to choose and share that snarky Kermit the Frog meme instead.

I’ve taken the opportunity to narrow your choices down to 12 things I personally cannot believe we are not talking about. Feel free to use them to start your own conversations. I don’t think any of them will offend your great aunt or your friend from high school, but use your judgment.

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1. Popcorn: Why does anyone use microwave popcorn? Is it a secret that you can buy popcorn kernels by the bag for, like, a dollar and that they cook in a pot, just as quickly as they do in your microwave, but taste better? For one dollar, you could make popcorn twice a week for a month. This blows my mind every time I make (my husband make) popcorn. If you are unsure about the popcorn, OMG Barbara Williams has a plethora of suggestions for you in Cornzapoppin.

2. “Like Whoa”: Why did people stop saying that? I used it the other day in a sentence that went, “I am going to eat crunchy tacos like whoa”. It is such a versatile phrase and a pretty sweet Mya music video, and it fell out of use much too quickly.

3. Gilmore Girls is making more shows!!!! Why aren’t we all discussing this? Is Sookie going to come back? Catch up on the original series here.

4. Why hasn’t anyone written a self-help book about how to live better by living like a hobbit? It seems like this would be a bestselling idea. I’ll give you an outline: Live Simple. Live Friendly. Live Hobbit. Chapter 1: Find Your Gandalf, pursuing a mate that challenges you. Chapter 2: Love Yourself, hairy feet and all. Chapter 3: Second breakfast, do it. Pipe-weed. Why not?

5. We have a new book club. It’s ingenious. It’s The Book Club for People Who Don’t Have Time to Read and instead of reading a book every month, we sit around and discuss books we’ve read and would like to read. We had Doritos at the last meeting. I am shocked that it hasn’t gone viral because it is so perfect. Next meeting is December 2.

6. Speaking of not having time to read, why isn’t anyone but me talking about the anxiety produced by ever-lengthening lists of books we want to devour? I want to read everything Maira Kalman ever produced.  I still need to read Lauren Groff’s Fates and Furies. It’s the time of year I resolve to read Anna Karenina and don’t.  It makes my armpits tickle just thinking about it. There are so many beautiful words out there to read!

7. The movie Housesitter with Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin. There is no reason that this movie should not come up in conversation every day. Goldie is a con-artist who pretends to be Steve’s wife so that she can have a free place to stay and he can make his ex jealous. It’s so funny and sweet and comfortable in that way that movies from the 90s are always so comfortable because it seems like things were easier then or maybe because it makes us feel like we are catching something really good on TV on a Saturday afternoon. Didn’t a movie seem better when you caught it on TV than the same movie seems when you’ve clicked on it after scrolling through Netflix for 45 minutes? See how great this discussion of Housesitter is going?

8. How nice are blankets this time of year (you should make one)?

9. Do you want to talk on Facebook about how you are “over” Facebook and won’t be back for awhile? That’s not really interesting. Better that you leave us with a list of what you’ll be doing while you are gone. Going completely off the grid? Just zoning out and listening to some Steely Dan for a bit? Let us know.

10. I can’t stop listening to Jenny Lewis’ The Voyager and I have no one to talk about it with. It’s so good! Someone check it out so we can talk about it!

11. How genius is the public library in it’s usefulness? You knew I was going to get around to it at some point. The library can help you find a job, go vegan, read up on the new medication you’ve been prescribed, give you the correct forms to fill out for your divorce,  learn a new language, talk to you when you don’t have anyone else to talk to, study for an exam, give you a phone number, tell you whether or not a celebrity is dead, help you find resources to give your kid “the talk” and much more. There is no other place where you can go and basically say, “I’m having trouble with this area of my life” and someone will respond, “Cool, let’s figure this out”. Maybe your mom, but she’s not as good at “going online” as we are.

12. Why don’t you talk about all the things your mom has done for you more often? She would enjoy some Facebook props like whoa.

For more ideas on other things to talk about, please visit your local public library.

 

 

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